thirty-five

Today starts a new year for me.

No better time to jump back in.

This year has been one of my funnest.  Went on an amazing trip....just me and my honey.

Watched my babies grow another year older, smarter, and more amazing.  Okay, throw in just a few screamin' she-touched-me fights for good measure.

And, I watched this baby grow bigger as the weeks past.  We are on the home stretch and full of excitement.  I have 3 little mama's who just can't wait for a baby to take care of!

Can't wait to see what 35 and 2011 have in store!

hu?

what did you say?  a month since my last post?  i don't know what you are talking about.

anywaaaaaayyyy......

scramble on the brain
don't be so lame
beautiful day
its the best way

my dear old friend Mr. Fields says it so very well...

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.  ~W.C. Fields

: )

HAPPY DAY.

truth is.

the other day my husband told me i was old.

not the wrinkly kind of old (thankfully, i have good genetics in that area) but the old in the mind kinda old.  i didn't like it, but i know he is right.  i feel old.  i feel tired.  i used to have a spark.  i had big dreams and everyday i chased them.

truth is, i am NOT getting any younger.  why can't i find the fire?  my kids should keep me young right?

so, i asked him what exactly he thought would make me young.  he said i should dress like a slut.

he thinks he is funny.

truth is, i have felt it and known it for a long time before he said anything.  it feels like time is slipping and i am wasting.  i am wasting my time with worry and frustration.

my current state of mind is wrapped and tangled in the attempt to get the basics of running a home accomplished.  we mostly have clean clothes.  we mostly have a home-cooked meal on the table.  we mostly have a home that can be tidy'd up in a short time.

but that is so mediocre.  i hate it. i can't stand it.

truth is, i need fabulous.  the fabulous me is getting claustrophobic leg cramps because she has been crammed into a box for so long.  she wants out. sometimes i think i lost the key just because i can't find it.  

if one of the kids loses something, i just tell them to retrace their steps back to the last place they saw it.  it usually works.

truth is, it won't work this time.  you can't turn back time.  i have to find fabulous where i am right now.

true story

"Mommy, is that the park or an ice cream truck?"

gutsy girl

Sunday afternoon we got to experience Venice Beach.  It was totally alive, beautiful and interesting. 

 Lots of street shows.  Most were pretty corny but a few were great. 

Our favorite was the drum circle.  Just a huge group of drummers, actually it was any drum style as well as cow bells and giant maraca things,  banging it out as loud and passionately as possible. 

We snaked our way into the circle and  it was intense.  Pictures don't do justice to the way it FELT.  

Oh, and if you ever need any "medical" marijuana they can totally fix you up.  Just sayin.

Let me start this next story with a little history.  Ever since I was somewhere around 16ish I have wanted to get my nose pierced.  But, I am a humongous chicken when it comes to pain.  Never mind that I have had 4 babies, 3 completely natural and 9 lbs plus.  (Yes, that is my badge of courage and I will lay that card on the table any time I get ready.)  Never mind any of that, because the mere IDEA of a needle coming close to me makes me queasy.  Flash forward to the 34 year old version of Rachel who knows it is way past time to do the things I have always wanted to do.  Oh, what IS a girl to do in such a quandary.  Rely on the determination of friends and husbands, that's what.  I am a chicken remember?

So, I am there, on Venice Beach in a tattoo parlor telling myself "just don't look, just don't look".  That tattoo stuff was way to much for me.  So, the guy takes me to the back and I start wondering if this was a foolish little girl's good idea and a mature woman's bad idea.  

My friend Tal kept telling me that when she did hers years ago it was nothing.  Hurt for like 2 seconds and it was over.  The thing is, I kept thinking of when I got my ears pierced at 10 years old.  I remember it vividly.  Enough said.  

The piercing guy was great.  He kept reminding me to breath in, and breath out.  I needed that, and I was very grateful.

Okay, this next picture took me a while to look at.  Yes, that is a GIANT needle.  WHA??  I thought he was going to use a gun!  This is NOT 1962!  

So, after this picture, he put the little stud in and Rachel proceeded to turn the exact shade of the wall behind her.  Yes, everyone was rushing to get her cool rags, smelling salts, cold drinks.  

Yes, I am cool.

I recovered, and Tal, through her laughter, confessed that actually, when she had hers done she almost passed out.  sheeeesh!

His reaction was basically "It's about time!"  He likes it when I am brave.  And he loves it when I step out of my comfort zone.  I think he knows that is where the fun in life is waiting for me.

So, we left the beach and headed to Hollywood.  It was Oscar night after all!  Why not go to Hollywood!  

I have never been to D.C. or anywhere at the same time as the President, but I cannot imaging the security being any more intense that it was on Oscar night around the Chinese Theater.  Cars with passes were getting violated by swarms of security checking ever nook and cranny.  This is as close as we could get.

It was still fun and really interesting to see people gather around store windows to watch TVs they couldn't hear to just watch the ceremony.  

We were packing tons of fun into every minute but tomorrow we get started on Route 66.  An amazing experience.  I can't wait to share!

Saturday in L.A.

We did eventually, in the wee hours of the night/morning make it back to our beautiful hotel.  Our friends were married here and they were so gracious to want to share this with us.  It was amazing and VERY California.  It was beautiful in March during a very cold snap.  I can only imagine this place in the spring and summer!

We met back up with our friends and I got to spend some time with Tal, Guy's wife.  She is a successful phychologist and I confess that, before meeting her, I feared being "analyzed".  

That made me nervous.  Why, you ask?  I don't want to talk about why.

Aaaaaanyway, that was SO not the case and we became instant friends and I learned so much from her. She must have sensed that I needed to really make the most of this time away from the daily grind and Saturday afternoon we went for foot massages.  Have you ever seen these places?  It says reflexology foot massage but it was literally head to toe!  We have nothing like that around here and it was so simple but amazing.  You MUST go if you get the chance.

I learned something about myself that day.  I tend to try to take small snippets of time in the day to be "my time".  I cheat my family and myself by doing that.  After doing something really nurturing for myself I realized that if I just give my family 100% of myself when I am with them and then take the time out to do something really special for myself once in a while, we would both be better off for it.

Stay tuned...on Sunday I do something I have wanted to do since I was about 16 but, in true Rachel fashion, almost chickened out.  You'll never guess!

home again

We are settled back into regular life.  It was a really amazing trip in so many ways.  I think Shannon and I  were both changed by it in our own ways and I believe our relationship changed as well.  It wasn't just a trip.  It is hard to explain I guess.  We missed our kids but enjoyed every second of our time together.  I was afraid I would let missing the little ones keep me from living in the moment but it just never happened.

I have to admit we had about 2 days of a vacation hangover.  We missed having uninterrupted conversations and no one demanding anything.  It was a little like being on a honeymoon then coming home to 4 kids.  Yeah, I dare your average newlywed to try that one!

But...here we sit...back in the groove.  I do love my simply little life.  Hahaha.  I just reread that last sentence.  Did I say simple?  hahahahahahhah  simple?  It isn't simple, but it is good!

On to the good stuff!  It was really like two different trips so I will start with Cali.
We barely made our flight out of Houston!  We had to RUN and were the last ones to board.  Great way to start your morning after zero sleep!  We arrived in LA and spent a few days with Shannon's business partners.  They are originally from Israel and were wonderful in giving us a glimpse into the culture.  Oh my goodness....THE FOOD!  It was amazing!

And they do all these wonderful salads.  Not like our salads.  Even the green salad is finely chopped.  There were a couple that were recognizable like egg salad and avocado salad but most were so totally different in flavor.  I thought there was vinegar in them but found out it was mostly lemon juice and olive oil.  Lots of fresh herbs as well.  

Our friends ordered lunch for us and Shannon and I totally thought the huge selection of salads and bread were our meal (they ordered in Hebrew) but then they brought yummy lamb kabobs and beef kabobs as well!  I was too busy eating to take any pics.

That evening, we enjoyed a Jewish Shabbat with a beautiful family.  It was a wonderful night and inspiring as well.  I think that the Christian Lord's supper was intended to be more like a Shabbat than the "church ceremony" I was raised with.  It was a family meal around the table that was a celebration and a remembrance.  It really has me thinking of how I would like to incorporate a similar event into our lives.  Have you ever experienced a Shabbat?

I was ready to crash in exhaustion (remember we still haven't slept and a 2 hour time difference from Texas).  But, oh no, Shannon and our host, Guy, had other plans!  They REALLY love to talk!  So, eventually I crashed in one of the kids rooms for a nap!

I will show you the amazing, beautiful, gorgeous hotel where we stayed next.  It's gooooood!

a few belated pics

I meant to do a lovely post about the amazing snow we received here in east Texas mid February.  Truly a once in a lifetime event if you live out your life in these parts.  My little birds were in heaven.  We lost power for the day and after playing in the snow and getting wet, we had to huddle around the fireplace to get warm and dry.  It was so much fun to see their excitement and wonder!

It started sticking around 9:30 Thursday night and I knew it could all be melted by morning so we bundled up and went out to play!

But, to our delight...this is what we woke up to:

It was beautiful and special...and well, mamma was COLD!  But tons of FUN!

Lots and LOTS of snow angels :)

We are in the countdown to leaving for L.A.  Still so excited!  Grandma is here and I better get to packing!!  

goin' back to cali

Normal is crazy right now as Shannon and I get ready for this

And hopefully this:

And then, for the road trip home, this little icing on the cake:

I am sosososososo excited because the Route 66 trip is something Shannon has wanted to do since I have known him.  Back in the day, I dreamed of being the ONE who got to travel the country with him.  Makes me smile just to think about it!

We leave at a completely insane hour Friday morning for the flight.  I will be updating this baby with all the fun and excitement.  Kids will be having some grandma fun while we are having a little grownup fun! 

 ooooooh, i just can't wait.  Gotta go get back to work!

busy busy!

Seems like I have been really busy lately but not getting that much done.  How, exactly, does that work?  I don't know, but I did want to share some of the fun stuff I have been doing and I have more to share later as well!

I had fun making my girlies a pink valentine's day breakfast.
Scalloped heart pancakes with strawberry milk and a pink straw of course!

Of course the breakfast was for the guys as well, sans the pink milk.  Have you ever had stawberry milk?  Kinda funky if you ask me.  But, the girls LOVE it!

I made these for my 3 little birds for valentine's day.

They were inspired by the amazing April at secondsister.  When I grow up I want to make button bracelets like her!

(The blue one is made from vintage buttons from my grandmother.  I will soon be getting a jar of buttons from my great-grandmother and I will definitely be showing those here when they are in my hot little hands!!)

I made these for a superbowl party we went to.

                                      

Pure chocolate goodness inside and out!  But, I don't think I will EVER make them again!  Molding chocolate into the shape of a football is just not that easy!

just discovered

I just took a look around the second sister blog for the first time today.   What a beautiful place!  First, as the second sister in my own family of 3 girls, I get the feeling we could share more than a few stories about life in the middle!

Her post on Jan 22 really spoke to me.  Letting go of old dreams so that we are ready to live out the new ones!  You know that dreams (and what we should do with them) has been on my mind.

Then, whoa!, check out this girls AMAZING jewelry designs!  I actually gasped a couple times.  Seriously.
I want these:

and this:

                                      

and these:

                                       

oh, and while i am at it, this too:

                                     

that is a bracelet people!!

Her etsy shop is here http://www.etsy.com/shop/secondsister

I just love window shopping :)

food management

Perhaps I am lazy or dumb or crazy, or a little of all of the above?!  Managing the food buying, cooking, and planning has been a major thorn in the heel of my life for quite some time.  I don't hate it but I have never really come up with a system that worked for the long term. I have had good days, weeks and months, but it pretty much stops there.  I haven't sustained it.

My current bff:  

House of Order Handbook.

  

I am working my way through this book and hope to totally organize myself for ever and ever, amen.  But for right this moment I am working on developing her system of menu planning, shopping, and cooking.  I am trying to NOT tweak it since it has been made painfully clear that I do not have it figured out!  Tweaking can come later after I have put her system in place and USED IT!  

I have daydreams of living an incredibly peaceful, sane, organized life in a tidy little house with children who are dressed every morning and we even have fixed hair and brushed teeth.  (Like I said, it IS a dream here!)  

Then I open my eyes and cry out, WHY ME!!!!!!!

Anyway, this great little book covers everything from setting up your desk in an efficient way, managing laundry, budgeting, buying in bulk, and (my favorite) getting your kids to help!  WOO HOO!  I can't wait for that chapter!

So, today, I am working on setting up my Master Menu of 28 dinner meals that will actually get eaten along with our favorites for breakfast, lunch and snacks.  I love that once this is done, I won't have to think.  That is really the way I prefer to keep things around here.  

One of the best parts of the book is that she gets right to the point in each chapter.  She starts with a checklist, then gives maybe a couple pages of information, then right to your worksheets and tells you to GET TO WORK, WOMAN!  Okay, not really but that is what I tell myself and it really helps sometimes.

I have my desk pretty much done and I will let you know how the food planning goes.  Then I will conquer the rest of my life and hopefully, somewhere under the chaos, I will find my sanity.  It has been gone for a while, and I'm starting to miss that pesky critter.

somebody stop me

My dear, wonderful husband, father to my 4 babes, sweet talker that he is, double-dog dared me to post my weight and weight loss nightmares on this here blog.  Actually he told me I better, or it was all over.  No, really he told me I was a big chicken if I didn't.  No, really he told me that the whole world would love me if I did it.

He is a sweet talker like that.

And I have this little dream that the whole world will love me.  really.

Then, he tripple-dog dared me to post pictures too.

See, but this is the problem.  I never finish anything.  Seriously.  I have this little diary from when I was like 8.  It has a grand total of 3 entries.  Then I have this grown-up beautiful woman-journal from a few years ago and it has like 3 entries in it.  My kids baby books have like their footprints and 3 weight entries in it.  Then my baby, well, she is so neglected that she does not even have a mostly empty baby book.  I decided to stop the torture of guilt on my brain.  This is seriously just a drop in the barrel of my "unfinished" stories.

So, why would I want to go out into the world and broadcast my failure?  I think that HE thinks I will actually achieve my goals (and quit my whine-fest) if I put it ALL out there.  I am not certain that any of this is a good idea.  But, I don't like being called a chicken.  Fight'n words I tell ya!

Here is the background to this twisted story.  I never really had weight problems until after I had 3 babies in 3 years.  I was either nursing, pregnant or BOTH for a total of 4+ years.  I consumed lots of calories and it really didn't matter.  Then it stopped.  No nursing , not pregnant, bad habits remained.  The weight started on a steady incline.

I hit a low point last spring and joined weight watchers.  I lost 15 pounds.  I was half way to my goal and hit a stand-still.  I have gained some of that back and am ready to put this struggle to bed.  I am sick of thinking about it.  I am sick of not wanting to buy nice clothes because I am "going to lose this weight".  I am sick of trying to hide parts of my body and feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.  I just want it done.

Let's just go ahead and call this the BEFORE picture, okay? okay.

Here I am in all my frizzy-headed, mascara under the eye, rolled-outa-bed beauty.  My name is Rachel and today I weighed 134.  (ha ha honey, you didn't think I would do it!!)

Stay tuned to see if Rachel will reach her goal of being the hottest mama of 4 this side of Toledo Bend.  Trust me, this could get interesting...

dreams

An elderly man, in the final days of his life, is lying in bed alone.  He awakens to see a large group of people clustered around his bed.  Their faces are loving, but sad.  Confused, the old man smiles weakly and whispers, "You must be my childhood friends come to say good-bye.  I am so grafeful."  Moving closer, the tallest figure gently grasps the old man's hand and replies, "Yes, we are your best and oldest friends, but long ago you abandoned us.  For we are the unfulfilled promises of your youth.  We are the unrealized hopes, dreams and plans that you once felt deeply in your heart, but never pursued.  We are the unique talents that you never refined, the special gifts that you never discovered.  Old friend, we have not come to comfort you, but to die with you."

from "I Believe in You"

Sometimes our dreams fade, sometimes they change.  Sometimes we outgrow them.  Sometimes we need to find them, reclaim them and live them.

Inspiration

I have felt inspired by a few women during the past weeks.  This quote has really stuck with me. 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson




I have been too damn scared of my failure, past and future, to just put it ALL out there. I don't want regrets.  I hate regrets.  

untitled by vera

girls gone shopping

I debated and hesitated this morning to venture on an out-of-town shopping trip with just the 3 little girls and mommy.  They are good girls but they loooove to shop and I prefer to have daddy with us to help me make sure we are all leaving with who we came with if you know what I mean!

I decided to go for it since we really needed to use our gymbucks before they expired.

I was feeling really confident and made our first stop at toys r us.  Insane as it sounds, I had to get some Totally Toddler that I cannot live without and can't get around here anymore.  They surprised me and we were out of there in a reasonable amount of time!

We then headed to gymboree where I really pushed them to the limit of their patience (especially the 2 little sisters).  I have decided that maybe it would be best to take them on individual shopping trips that are more suited to their own patience level or just make it SHORT.  Poor girlies are exhausted but couldn't stop talking about doing a fashion show for daddy when we were on the trip home.  Here are a few of our treasures we brought home:

            

                

I feel so blessed to be mama to those three little girls.  They are so smart and sweet and I know we will have MANY more shopping days in our future!